


Court Case Crack

by JayTheSaltyBastard



Category: Original Work
Genre: Crack, Dark Humor, F/F, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, It's implied tho, M/M, Man Tiddies, Mentions of Murder, Multi, No Plot/Plotless, No Porn, No Smut, Original work - Freeform, heavily, toaster kink, trial, trial by jury
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-09-18 13:10:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16995606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JayTheSaltyBastard/pseuds/JayTheSaltyBastard
Summary: My friends and I got bored in science and made this. I am not sorry, you brought this on yourself by reading it





	1. Man Tiddies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when we first made this we laughed so hard we were wheezing for like twenty minutes

Judge: do you have anything to say for yourself?

 

Accused: the judge’s tiddies

 

Judge: i don’t have tiddies

 

Accused: man tiddies

 

Judge: what?

 

Accused: the judge’s dick

 

Judge: something else

 

Accused: i fucked your wife

 

Judge: i don't have a wife

 

Accused: your brother was there

 

Judge: that was my girlfriend

 

Accused: we had a threesome

 

Judge: do have anything to say in relation to the case?

 

Lawyer: i shoved a toaster up my ass

 

Judge: not helpful

 

Accused: i wouldn’t say it was a toaster

 

Lawyer: you’re right. it was a loaf of bread

 

Accused: i mean, it wasn’t bread but it was the same color

 

Judge: why were you stabbed in the hand 28 times?

 

Accused: because i shoved a toaster up his ass

 

Judge: why?

 

Accused: he was being a dick

 

Accused: and i wanted to show him how big a dick could really be

 

Judge: okay but do you have anything to say that is related to the case?

 

Accused: i fucked your wife in the shower

 

Judge: again, i don’t have a wife

 

Accused: really? must have been someone else’s

 

Judge: is there anything related to the case you’d like to add?

 

Accused: the judges tiddies

 

Judge: she’s too good, get someone else to do it


	2. Wife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this one was just plain random i couldn't even remember most of it while writing

Judge: this court is now in session, Accused do you have anything to say

 

Accused: the judge’s tiddies

 

Judge: i still don’t have tiddies

 

Accused: man tiddies

 

Judge: does the lawyer have anything to add?

 

Lawyer: actually we’d like a quick recess

 

Lawyer: [whispering] everyone knows you killed those kids. you were caught on camera in broad daylight shooting them

 

Accused: [also whispering] i was wearing a mask

 

Lawyer: one of the kids ripped it off

 

Accused: i had my eyes closed

 

Lawyer: that doesn’t do shit!

 

Accused: let me talk to him

 

Lawyer: my client would like permission to speak to his honor

 

Judge: permission granted

 

Accused: may i confer with your wife, your honor?

 

Judge: no

 

Accused: wonderful!

 

Wife: what?

 

Accused: can i fuck you into getting me out of here?

 

Wife: well, the judge has been getting rather bori-

 

Accused: [pulls out a toaster]

 

Wife: consider yourself free

 

Accused: i have returned

 

Lawyer: my client has another witness

 

Wife: she didn’t do it

 

Accused: see, she says i didn’t do it!

 

Judge: the jury will decide

 

Jury: hmm? [pulls out an earbud]

 

Accused: can i go home

 

Jury: sure

 

Accused: case closed!


End file.
